Hovis’ Friday blog: “In terms of bounce per ounce, I have a lot of ounces…”

Pricey Diary,

So it is that point of 12 months once more when the nights are shorter, the mornings are lighter, and the phrases “contemporary duck” are heard (usually by means of gnashing enamel) by individuals who personal horses on land.

I really feel that this highlights as soon as once more the basic lack of know-how of Darwin’s idea of evolution amongst human herds. Sending younger youngsters and presumably the native pastor to dive for cover is to not “bend once more” as he passes the village inexperienced area, however moderately an athletic avoidance from the military of incoming yellow risks that Beryl of WI sees match to plant. Deal with the “blooming village” from native rivals.

We do not “run away contemporary” as we leap sideways on the bridle path with grace and velocity not seen since Torvil and Dean’s Bolero dance, however as an alternative, in a lightning-like response, we shyly free our harmless eyes from the rat sheep subsequent to us. public right-of-way signal.

Once we make a sequence of one-off modifications, it is not that we “run away once more” when the mothership can solely think about breeding in a anxious area when it sees a subject of clouds with legs that appear to be breeding quicker. the rabbit militia talked about above. The lamb expressed by means of dance is the start line of our love.

Let’s be trustworthy, when every thing is both blooming, inexperienced or beneficiant, why cannot we skip our steps slightly? However no, we morphed into our “please god give me some brakes” components, uncovered to the picture of mother’s ass in sticky bum jodphurs, and immediately again on a food regimen that appeared like a hunger-striking stick bug.

As soon as once more, we’re discriminated in opposition to, and you could do not forget that though I restrain myself valiantly, I’ve too many ounces by way of jumps per ounce…

Total, I used to be in a position to management myself when the loopy new boss woman determined as soon as once more this week that hacking alone with out providing any victims was a wise concept. He clearly would not perceive the hierarchy of hacking, and I am hopeless he finds out earlier than the nice outdated Darwin steps in. Ideally I all the time thought EVERYONE knew he was a) hacked by somebody slower than you, so there’s no less than one left behind to feed the beast because it turns round; b) a smaller one with a shrewd polo-esque shoulder you can propel them in the direction of the oncoming menace, and c) a rider you possibly can hurl from the emergency exit, parachuteless, into the mouth of dying as a final resort, when you take him again to the yard, a large-scale Lassie, an innate innate from the mothership. He claims it was a horrible “accident” blamed for his lack of expertise…

I will begin a marketing campaign to make this studying obligatory – type of like a Hovis Hacking certification – however within the meantime, I feel it is our responsibility to guard our equestrian lemmings from extinction. The loopy boss woman makes it arduous, as a result of this week’s silliness included strolling previous a hitman hiding in a hedge, which she claims has simply “pruned her bush” – sorry however you name it topiary, I name it treason. Possibly we had a short “dialogue” about going a special route, however the inside her thigh is stronger than mother’s grip on the biscuit cask, so I had my luck with the cheese puff at a fats fighter conference.

I survived one other week, and I’ll little question should endure the primary flight of the mothership, which interrupted its descent from one other horse three weeks in the past this weekend, so it is truthful to say that I am reflecting on my life selections proper now.

Later,

hovis

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