Hovis’ Friday blog: ‘Kissing is so much more fun’

Pricey Diary,

This will likely be my final try in 2022 as a result of the mothership is away on New 12 months’s and it is too low-cost to pay for a surrogate secretary, thus depriving the world of my enjoyable ideas.

So right here we’re, on the finish of one other yr pondering life’s necessary questions, like what are creation calendars all about? Is killing an undesirable relative in a real-life Cluedo recreation at Christmas actually justifiable homicide? How does a creature with an IQ as little as its mom actually bear in mind to breathe? What does a child disadvantaged of magic, cash, or the mothership’s Mastercard get a brand new girlfriend for Christmas?

A minimum of one mom of nature sort determined to cease performing so chilly and turned the thermostat up a bit. Now, admittedly, which means in every single place is now a mud tub, somewhat than simply an ice rink, which precipitated mother and the women of the backyard to cry greater than mothers throughout the nation when their beloved pup modified their will to Santa Claus. . It is 16:00 on December 23, with my hair as soon as white, however a minimum of I am not chilly anymore. Muddy sure, chilly no. My mother (who’s extra risky, with rather less talent at unleashing a storm on me) prompt I would wish to strive getting rather less messy for the sake of the backyard’s scorching water invoice, however I am quick on levitation, so I am actually unsure how she expects me to perform this.

New 12 months’s revolutions that I can inform you aren’t excessive on my checklist. Actually, after 20 years on this planet, I am nonetheless unsure what circling within the New 12 months has to do with something, however together with so many different human traditions, I am rolling with it. This yr, I am extra ready to kiss beneath my muscular toe than stage any hoops or blows – name me old style (or simply plain outdated), however kissing is a lot extra enjoyable.

Now to be sincere once more, my most up-to-date conquests are fairly excessive on the “scorching and loopy” scale, so kissing him is a bit like enjoying tonsil hockey with horse John Travolta – you by no means fairly know if that is the precise second. grimace – however because the advertisements say, it is value it. Furthermore, it has been so lengthy since I took a step that just about 15 Prime Ministers have handed…

All that is left for me is to have an incredible Kissmuss, a New 12 months’s Eve the place you checklist the variety of revolutions you will make (by no means certain if it is imagined to be full revolutions or if somewhat spin on the forehand will work) and I will see you on the opposite facet.

Later,

hovis

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